


courage struggling for oxygen

by Moonlark



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Fire, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-15 13:26:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11806893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonlark/pseuds/Moonlark
Summary: "The Priest Lake Fire was a wildfire reported on the morning of August 2, 2017 in a valley located by Priest Lake in the state of Idaho in the United States. A team of 15 smokejumpers parachuted into the area on the afternoon of August 2, 2017 to fight the fire. As the team built a fireline on the slope above it, unexpected high winds caused the fire to suddenly expand, forcing them back uphill. During the next few minutes, a "blow-up" of the fire covered 3,000 acres (1,200 ha) in ten minutes, claiming the lives of 14 firefighters. The sole survivor was first-year smokejumper Emily Menges. The fire would continue for nine more days before being controlled."





	courage struggling for oxygen

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this story comes in large part form Norman Maclean's _Young Men and Fire_ , an extremely well-written investigation into the Mann Gulch fire of 1949 (upon which my fictional Priest Lake fire is based). The book itself is an incredible read and one of my favorite books. I may quote it at times throughout the story.

" _If a storyteller thinks enough of storytelling to regard it as a calling, unlike a historian he cannot turn from the suffering of his characters. A storyteller, unlike a historian, must follow compassion wherever it leads him. He must be able to accompany his characters, even into smoke and fire, and bear witness to what they thought and felt even when they themselves no longer knew. A story will not end until it feels able to walk the final distance to the crosses with those who for the time being are blotted out by smoke. They were young and did not leave much behind and need someone to remember them._ " -- Norman Maclean, Young Men and Fire

***

[ _Transcript of the testimony of Smokejumper Emily Menges, as interviewed by Mr. Daniel Fitzgerald of the Investigation Board for the Priest Lake fire._ ]

FITZGERALD: Please state your name for the record.

MENGES: Emily Menges.

FITZGERALD: What was your title at the time of your Forest Service work this summer?

MENGES: Smokejumper-fireman, GS-5.

FITZGERALD: How long have you worked for the Forest Service as a smokejumper?

MENGES: This was my first summer.

FITZGERALD: Had you had any fire jumps previously?

MENGES: Two. One on Paradise Peaks, the second on Bear Valley.

FITZGERALD: How many jumps had you made in practice?

MENGES: Twenty or so.

FITZGERALD: How many jumps have you made since?

MENGES: [ _shudders_ ] None.

FITZGERALD: Who was smokejumper foreman on this trip?

MENGES: Charles Lin.

FITZGERALD: Approximately what time did you leave Grangeville?

MENGES: About 2:30 p.m.

FITZGERALD: Approximately when did you arrive over the fire?

MENGES: Somewhere around 3:50, I think, but maybe earlier.

FITZGERALD: You didn't check the time?

MENGES: No, not right when we got there. I checked it right before we jumped, though. That was 3:56.

FITZGERALD: Were you able to see the fire?

MENGES: Yes.

FITZGERALD: What was the size of the fire?

MENGES: I couldn't tell--they'd told us about 100 acres before we left, but it seemed bigger than that. I'd say at the time we jumped it was probably about 200 to 250 acres.

FITZGERALD: What was behavior of the fire -- where was the smoke drifting?

MENGES: East, somewhat below Roman Nose.

FITZGERALD: Was there quite a volume of smoke?

MENGES: Not too much.

FITZGERALD: What was the character of the fire -- was it flaring up or creeping along?

MENGES: It was creeping along. It wasn't burning very much.

FITZGERALD: Did you notice any spot fires from the fire below its flank?

MENGES: No.

FITZGERALD: Had the fire at this time crossed over onto the east side of the river?

MENGES: No, it was burning close to it but not on either side yet.

FITZGERALD: Burning slowly up and along the river?

MENGES: Yes.

FITZGERALD: Had it begun to move up the ridge toward Gunsight Peak?

MENGES: No, not yet. Not that I could tell, at least.

FITZGERALD: What was the wind like?

MENGES: Very strong. We could've landed closer, there was a place Samuels mentioned, but with those winds there was too high a chance of getting blown too close to the burn, so they decided to drop further away.

FITZGERALD: Where was the chosen landing site?

MENGES: Northwest of the burn, near Mount Roothaan.

FITZGERALD: You were out in the second stick?

MENGES: Yes.

FITZGERALD: Who was the first man in the first stick?

MENGES: Charlie Lin.

FITZGERALD: How near the target did you come?

MENGES: About 100 yards. I got hung up in a tree a little, which damaged my pack but made the landing easier.

FITZGERALD: Was any of your gear damaged?

MENGES: Yeah, my fire shelter was ripped to the point of uselessness.

FITZGERALD: When did you find this out?

MENGES: Right after landing, when we were checking gear one last time.

FITZGERALD: What was done about this?

MENGES: We decided to go on and fight the fire as usual. The wind was picking up even more, so the plane had to head away, and we decided it was probably safer for me to stay with the crew rather than just sit there on my own. Besides, I still had all the rest of my gear in pretty good condition.

FITZGERALD: And what did you decide would be done if fire shelters we're needed?

MENGES: We discussed maybe trying to squeeze me in with Caro--

FITZGERALD: Caro?

MENGES: Sorry, Caroline Vesey. We thought about squeezing us together in her shelter since we were the smallest in the crew, but that would've put both of us at risk rather than just me. Charlie basically said we'd pray the shelters weren't needed and if they were then I'd just run like hell. He was thinking in numbers. Didn't wanna risk everyone else just for one life. I don't blame him.

FITZGERALD: How widely scattered were the jumpers when they reached the ground?

MENGES: We were all within 300 yards of each other. Don't know how we managed that.

FITZGERALD: What do you mean by that?

MENGES: Well, it's just there was enough wind I was worried we'd get blown apart.

FITZGERALD: And you jumped anyway?

MENGES: Wind picked up while we were jumping. Couldn't do much about it then.

FITZGERALD: Was anyone hurt?

MENGES: Not really-- Josh hurt his elbow.

FITZGERALD: Josh?

MENGES: Joshua Daley.

FITZGERALD: How serious was it?

MENGES: Just a scrape, nothing too bad.

FITZGERALD: Did it incapacitate him?

MENGES: No.

FITZGERALD: How shortly after arriving on the ground was it before you were able to get out of your chute and observe what was going on?

MENGES: A couple of minutes.

FITZGERALD: When was cargo dropped?

MENGES: Within 10 minutes after I jumped.

FITZGERALD: Was cargo very widely scattered when it reached the ground?

MENGES: Yeah, pretty spread out because of the wind.

FITZGERALD: Could you see the fire from the cargo storage area?

MENGES: Yes.

FITZGERALD: Could you see the flank of the fire on the lower slope quite plainly?

MENGES: Yeah.

FITZGERALD: Were there any spot fires below this flank at that time (after you helped gather the cargo)?

MENGES: Not that I could see.

FITZGERALD: Was the flank lifting at all?

MENGES: It was picking up then.

FITZGERALD: What instructions did you receive after landing?

MENGES: We were told to gather the cargo, check our gear, and then get a bite to eat.

FITZGERALD: Who gave these instructions?

MENGES: Charlie.

FITZGERALD: How long did it take to get organized after you all reached the ground and gathered the cargo?

MENGES: I would say 45 minutes to an hour, but part of that was trying to decide what to do about my damaged shelter.

FITZGERALD: What time was it when all cargo had been gathered at the cargo gathering point down in the draw?

MENGES: About quarter to 5, I believe.

FITZGERALD: Who was in charge of the crew as of this time?

MENGES: Still Charlie.

FITZGERALD: What instructions were given after all the cargo was gathered and stored at the dropping area?

MENGES: After we had got a bite to eat, we were supposed to go toward the fire. We were to keep to the slope and a good bit away from it and start making a fire line in the grass below Gunsight Peak. We were supposed to keep it from jumping the ridge, at least until the communities around Priest Lake were evacuated.

FITZGERALD: Who was in charge when you went up to the fire?

MENGES: Still Charlie. Listen, he didn't leave us, if that's what you're implying.

FITZGERALD: Not at all. Just trying to get the full picture. The fire was still burning in the valley?

MENGES: Yes.

FITZGERALD: Had it crowned in any places?

MENGES: When we set out? One or two, close to the river, but it hadn't gone anywhere and had burned itself out there. It crowned again below us as we were just starting to make the fire line, and that's when we started getting worried.

FITZGERALD: What worried you?

MENGES: It wasn't coming uphill toward us yet, but the wind wasn't right for a backfire and we hadn't gotten much of the line done yet. We weren't too worried, though.

FITZGERALD: How far up the slope were you? What was the terrain like?

MENGES: About three quarters of the way to the top. The tree line was maybe 200, 250 yards ahead of us. The hill sloped gentler up to our right, then up to a bunch of rocks up behind us. There was a little flattish spot right behind us that we recognized as a good place to set up shelters if we needed them. None of us said that out loud, though, not yet.

FITZGERALD: What happened next?

MENGES: We kept making the line. Got a good amount of it done. More than enough to give us a good chance if the fire came at a normal pace. And then...

FITZGERALD: Then?

[ _Menges does not respond._ ]

FITZGERALD: And then what happened?

MENGES: ...It blew up.

FITZGERALD: How did it blow up?

MENGES: I don't know. I really don't know. It just did. One minute it was burning quietly down in the valley, and the next it was coming right at us... I could see some of the trees exploding. Then I couldn't look at it anymore.

FITZGERALD: Why not?

MENGES: It was too hot. Even from 200 yards away I could feel the heat full on. When I looked toward it it felt like it was going to take my face off.

FITZGERALD: What did the crew do then?

MENGES: Charlie ordered everyone else to get back to the little flattish area and use their shelters. I went with them that far. Then he pointed me toward the rocks above us and told me to get up there and try to wait it out.

FITZGERALD: What were the crewmen carrying at this time?

MENGES: We dropped our tools at the fire line since we'd need to move as fast as possible. We kept other gear with us, though. Then I left everything but my water bottle near them while I went for the rocks.

FITZGERALD: How far away were these rocks?

MENGES: 300 yards straight uphill, I think. No way to be sure. I wasn't really thinking about how far away they were, just about getting there.

FITZGERALD: How far away was the fire when you started running?

MENGES: About 200 yards back. I didn't think I was going to make it. Probably shouldn't have. No idea how I did. I... I don't really remember much after that.

FITZGERALD: What do you remember?

MENGES: It was very hot and loud. I laid down on the rocks and got my handkerchief wet and covered my face with it. There was a little bush between two rocks near me that exploded, and then I couldn't really hear much after that, and then only in my left ear. It was a long time.

FITZGERALD: How long did it take the fire to pass?

MENGES: It was a long time. I don't know how long. I probably stayed lying there after it was past, but I don't know. When I looked up and peeled the handkerchief away, the fire was off and over the ridge and the whole world looked like hell.

FITZGERALD: What did you do then?

MENGES: I got down from the rocks and headed back toward where I'd split from the crew. It took me a while to find the right place since almost everything had been picked up and thrown around. I didn't know if I had the right place till I found Caro.

FITZGERALD: What state was she in?

[ _Menges does not respond._ ]

FITZGERALD: How was she, Emily?

MENGES: There wasn't anyone else left besides us. The winds and everything was so strong that it must've picked up shelters and tossed them around and gotten everyone inside. Except somehow Caro's stayed down, but. She was really thirsty and hurting something awful. I gave her some of my water and did the best I could for her. Then we waited. It was almost sunset and around this time I realized I was burned too.

FITZGERALD: How badly?

MENGES: Me? Right shoulder, back of the upper arm, side of my neck, down my back too, right side. Some stuff like shrapnel. Think it was mostly from that bush that exploded. There was some other small stuff too, especially my palms and knees, but that was the worst of it. I wasn't really feeling it much at first, and I got a little worried that it might've killed my nerves there which would've been really bad. But the hurt came on pretty strong later.

FITZGERALD: About what time was it when you found Vesey?

MENGES: 7:20, 7:30 pm? Somewhere in there. Helicopter found us around 9.

FITZGERALD: Did you see anyone else in that time?

MENGES: No one alive. Saw a couple of bodies. Couldn't tell who they'd been, they were too burnt. Besides, at that point I didn't really want to be looking at them. I was more worried about me and Caro staying alive. [ _Menges hesitates._ ] Do you have any word on her? They haven't told me anything since Thursday.

FITZGERALD: Still no news.

MENGES: [ _sighs_ ] God, I wish... never mind. Anything else?

FITZGERALD: What happened when the helicopter arrived?

MENGES: We were loaded into it, me and Caro-- well, Caro first, then me, since I could walk and stand and sit upright on my own. They gave us some water and painkillers and started wrapping things up during the flight. I was really tired and fell asleep a couple times. [ _Menges shrugs._ ] Then we were at the hospital.

FITZGERALD: All right, that will be all for now. Thank you for your cooperation in answering these questions. Other members of the Board may have additional questions for you at a later date.

[ _End transcript._ ]

**Author's Note:**

> The Klimminchuck River is purely fictional, as are (of course) the businesses that lie along it (although I would not be opposed to someone opening a Coastal Rose Brewery, as I think that sounds like a place that could make some real nice beers). These notes might not make sense with only chapter 1 up, but with time all will become clear.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr as lesbiyinz. Come on over and yell with me about sports and fic!


End file.
